Counterdependency is the state of refusal of attachment, the denial of personal need and dependency, and may extend to the omnipotence and refusal of dialogue found in destructive narcissism, for example.
The cause of counter-dependency often derives from being abandoned or neglected as an infant or young child. Due to the trauma stemming from the lack of parental attachment, complete independence from others will result as a form of protection.
Codependence is an important and integral part of narcissism. Narcissists are either counterdependent or codependent (Inverted). The DSM-IV-TR uses 9 criteria to define the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It is sufficient to show signs of 5 of them to be diagnosed as a narcissist.
But it’s lesser known opposite, called counterdependency, can be just as much of a problem and is often related to codependency. In fact sometimes a person will switch from one extreme to the other in a relationship, becoming counterdependent after months or years of codependency.
Dependent: Both people can express their emotions and needs and find ways to make the relationship beneficial for both of them. Codependent: One person feels that their desires and needs are unimportant and will not express them. They may have difficulty recognizing their own feelings or needs at all.
It creates problems in relationships as it causes people to become uncomfortable with themselves. Many codependent people have low self-esteem and struggle to think well of themselves. As a result, they often enter into destructive relationships that are abusive or otherwise unfulfilling.
You can conquer codependency. Recovery is a process and it can be overwhelming when you think about all the changes you want to make. But the good news is that recovery isn’t all or nothing. You can benefit from making even just a few small changes.
People with covert narcissism might make dismissive or sarcastic remarks and act as if they’re above the criticism. But internally, they might feel empty, humiliated, or enraged. Criticism threatens their idealized view of themselves. When they receive a critique instead of admiration, they can take it pretty hard.
Avoidant attachment is an attachment style a child develops when their parent or main caretaker doesn’t show care or responsiveness past providing essentials like food and shelter. The child disregards their own struggles and needs in order to maintain peace and keep their caregiver close by.
Bowlby identified four types of attachment styles: secure, anxious-ambivalent, disorganised and avoidant.
Empathy and concern for the other need to come in the context of self-care and self-respect. True “We-ness” means that two “I”’s live inside the “We,” and that there must be Respect for each of these separate individuals to grow independently and together.
Codependent relationships are not healthy and do not allow partners room to be themselves, to grow, and to be autonomous. These unhealthy relationships involve one or both partners relying heavily on the other and the relationship for their sense of self, feelings of worthiness, and overall emotional well-being.
Two codependents can get together because they both are trying to find love outside of themselves. But what will happen is that the person who is more selfish will become the narcissist in the relationship and the person who is more selfless will be the codependent.
Codependents lack a healthy relationship with self. They are prone to put others first before their own needs. This is unhealthy. Narcissists also have an unhealthy relationship with self.
Codependency is usually rooted in childhood. Often, a child grows up in a home where their emotions are ignored or punished. This emotional neglect can give the child low self-esteem and shame. They may believe their needs are not worth attending to.
A codependent parent is one who has an unhealthy attachment to their child and tries to exert excess control over the child’s life because of that attachment. … A codependent mother may rely on her son or daughter to take responsibility for her physical well-being.
How can you tell the difference between healthy love and codependency? … With love addiction, the relationship is rooted in feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. The result is that a codependent person loses a sense of themselves and focuses completely on the needs of their partner.
Someone who has codependency traits demonstrates low self-esteem, a desire to take care of others, poor boundaries, and a need to please others. … The narcissistic partner needs someone else to boost their self-esteem while the codependent partner is more than willing to serve in this role.
People in codependent relationships tend to have a problem where one person doesn’t recognize boundaries and the other person doesn’t insist on boundaries. Thus, one person is controlling and manipulative, and the other person is compliant and fails to assert his or her own will.
The best way to help is to get the codependent parent the help they need by a licensed therapist so they can stop their behavior. It is also highly recommended the child in the situation seeks counseling to help them feel confident in having healthy relationships in the future.
Aging itself can bring about a withering, if not bursting, of the narcissistic bubble. You’re no longer a fresh young thing and are starting to develop wrinkles, bags, sags, or a gray or bald head.
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